This will be full-out truth but with the names changed. I’m having a mental fucking breakdown and I’m tired of it. Trigger warning (TW) here for those of you with trauma related things. This is long with no TLDR, I’m not okay.I live with my boyfriend Zack, my friend David, and his girlfriend Zoe. Zoe makes me want to shoot myself, as dramatic as that sounds.I’m scared of her. She’s never laid a hand on me, and is shorter than me and skinnier, but something about her terrifies me. I don’t feel in danger, per se, but more like… emotionally drained, burnt out, tortured, etc?Backstory: we weren’t friends in highschool, but I was with her boyfriend briefly my senior year before they got together. My Zack and David are friends, and were college roommates, so we all thought living together would be great!It was. Truly. Then… I don’t know. Zoe started to get strange. Made a chore chart and talked about ‘doing stuff if people didn’t do it (me, even though I did,’ complained if the dishes weren’t washed TWICE a day, started having screaming matches with her boyfriend, said she felt like a mom, thought her boyfriend wanted to fuck me because we watched Naruto together(?)… just… ugh.I go to college. Zach and David work. Zoe just started working last week, we’ve been in the apartment for about four months.Apparently, I am told she has a lot of trauma. Lots of past things like abuse, being thrown out, almost rape, sucky boyfriend, etc. She has psychosomatic seizures (I think that’s what it’s called, where they’re internal or something?), OCD, depression, anxiety disorders, etc. Lots of stuff.We’ve all four been through some shit. Who hasn’t? But still.I wanted to be her friend and understand her but she has made little to no effort and cited that I stress her out when I don’t do chores correctly or ‘good enough.’ We were getting along great, then for some reason she pushed me away.I never learned how to cook. My grandma who I lived with was a hoarder and often we couldn’t get to the stove, so I lived off microwave meals alone. Sometimes the food in the fridge was molded, so I grew to only fully trust stuff made from a can.About two or three weeks ago, I had to make dinner as my chore. In doing so, she offered advice. I took it. Instead of advice, she gave me advice WHILE doing it; she seasoned the chicken while telling me what she was using and why. I just nodded and kept going. She then sat at the kitchen table, then left to go to her bedroom.Next thing I know, her boyfriend comes home. Walks into the bedroom, comes out, and starts talking to me. Here’s a synopsis:“Lexie, you have no right to be upset or mad. You should have known you couldn’t throw the raw (it was pre-cooked, and I didn’t say this ever) chicken into the pasta. I’m tired of coming home and having a pissy girlfriend and not getting to relax everyday.”I repeatedly was confused and said I did nothing wrong, as far as I knew, and he just kept talking. Keep in mind, so much shit had built up all these months prior, including ‘family meetings’ that basically summed up to: “OP, you do everything wrong and awful and never help. My feelings mean more than yours do.”I was livid. Upset. To my core. I then hear a slammed door, then both David and Zoe’s cars were gone. At the time, their friend Jack was staying with us.I was pissed beyond belief, took off with my boyfriend in shorts and a jacket in the rain, crying my fucking heart out in the dark in the middle of the city. I just kept talking over and over about how she makes me feel like nothing, that everything I do is wrong, that no matter what I’m not enough, etc etc. my boyfriend is trying to calm me down but the months of build up are just… I was not ok.My friend eventually picked both of us up. It was like 23°F and I wasn’t even cold. I just sat in their car and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed till eventually I went home with my boyfriend to Jack, who talked to us about what he saw.Apparently, Zoe had sped off in her car, David went after her obviously because she just left out of nowhere. David was just pissed in general, not at me really. Later David comes in, apologized a lot, and let us speak our mind.Basically, we all talked. Zoe said she overreacted and was READY TO KICK US OUT. For what??? No one fucking knows.Just recently she decided she wanted to spend Christmas with us all together, and we all bought decorations and decorated together. As soon as the lease was up we were leaving, but we were desperately trying to get along.Just today, I came home with Subway. Zoe was making dinner. Dinner would not be done for another like, hour, so I just ate half my sandwich. In my room.David gets home, and I hear about 10m later from Zoe in the kitchen, “-muffled yelling- I didn’t even want to get out of bed today! -more muffled yelling- I don’t even fucking want to make this dinner!” then the front door opening and closing. Some throwing of dishes mixed in.I just wanted to die. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to deal with this. I’ve listened to too many screaming matches, stories of her hitting her boyfriend once, being told off behind my back and snide remarks right in front of me and ONLY about ME, basically she just makes me feel like I shouldn’t of ever been alive. Just like my grandma.I don’t know why these feelings are so strong, and I tried so hard to understand that she’s been through shit and deals with stuff a certain way, BUT I SHOULDNT HAVE TO FEEL THIS WAY! I contemplated running in front of a car that one night more than I ever have in my entire fucking life. This is all over the place and messy, but I seriously just can’t hold this shit in anymore. I could go on and on about Zoe. I hope she doesn’t ducking see this. I tried for four fucking months everyday to abide by this shit and be a good person and be a good friend but nothing is ever fucking enough. via /r/TrueOffMyChest https://ift.tt/3eYNi0y
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