Apologies for the length but there's a lot of context and background info.Whenever there is some type of outbreak (including an standard flu season) my mother will latch on to it and use it in an attempt to control me. COVID has been no different and might actually be worse than any other time.EM hates any time I leave the house, even before quarantine. Unless it was for work, I would always be heckled and harassed for going out. Need to get new clothes? "Why do you have to go out?" Needed to get out of the house in the middle of winter? "You don't always need to go out, you know." Needed to visit a friend having a crisis or to visit my long-term partner? "You never think about us!"Now, with the pandemic happening, she's gotten much worse. Between March and June, I was at home every single day. I never left for anything. At the beginning of quarantine, I tried going for walks because I knew it would be good for my mental and physical health. My mother screamed at me that I was putting the family at risk by going out. Now, where I live, it's fairly easy to go for a walk and avoid people. I even took a mask just in case people got too close, carried sanitizer with me, and changed/washed my clothes as soon as I came into the house. It finally got to a point where she wouldn't allow me outside the house and said I could only do my walking in the backyard. Our backyard is large enough for a circular pool a shed, and a raised garden bed. When I started doing it everyday, she complained that I was going to wear paths into the ground and demanded I stop. So I gave up on my walks.I complained to my friends about this as my weight began to climb and my mental health was taking a hit. One offered to do yoga through video chat and I happily accepted. The first session went over well and I was happy to do more. The second time, I warned my parents that I would be busy doing yoga. Well, my mother completely disregarded my warning and decided to barge into my room talking to me about some type of decoration she wanted to put up. She saw what I was doing and walked away. I apologized to my friend and we carried on. Third time, I warned my mother again, and then she started complaining."I don't see why you need to do that. Don't you have other things you should be doing?""This is something I need to be doing. This is good for my well-being."My mother let out a dramatic sigh, "You spend all day on the computer and you think I should just leave you alone for an hour? You could help us with chores or make dinner for us." I should note that when she says I "spend all day on the computer", she's referring to the fact that I was working from home. During quarantine. She knows this and knows that I cannot just walk away to help her with household chores. I understand her frustration, however, I am doing my job. Anyway, this caused an argument about me doing yoga on the computer. Over the next week, she kept bringing it up about how it's silly, a waste of time, how I need to be more useful, and how I'm always on the computer. The day before, I told my friend I had to stop because it was upsetting my mother.I should also mention that my mother was home from her seasonal job since November and wouldn't go back until May. My mother always acted like she was always cleaning on her days off and couldn't handle all of it. I watched her and made mental notes of what she was doing. My mother's typical schedule was to wake up, drink coffee, watch the news for a few hours, take a nap, get up, start dinner, watch tv with my dad, go to bed. When she would do the work, she'd complain and scream at me. I would help out when I could but it was never enough. I would clean the bathrooms for her; "why didn't you clean the kitchen too?" I would water the garden and take care (we have well over 100 plants in the front and back yard), tend the strawberry patch, prune and harvest the vegetables; "why didn't you do the dishes?" It was never enough and it got to a point where I gave up. I know, shame on me.Things continued to get worse. I started getting pulled away from my laptop so I could take care of things for my parents. And, yes, she was still very aware that I was supposed to be working. At one point, she was mad at me because I didn't stop work to go talk to her about dinner and start on it while I was still on the clock. Another time, she got mad at me for using the bathroom. This one boils my blood because we have TWO bathrooms but she refuses to use the other one for unknown reasons. She got mad at me for closing door when I needed to change my clothes and accused me of hiding something from her. If I ate food, it was an argument. If I didn't eat food, it was an argument. If I wanted to take a shower, I had to wait until they went to bed, just in case she needed the bathroom. If I decided to draw or work on crafts, I'd get screamed at to do something productive. If I tried to take a nap, I got screamed at to do something productive. If I did something productive, I'd get screamed at to be more productive. I finally got to a point where, if I wasn't working, I was laying in bed, staring at my wall. Messages from my friends were the highlights of my day and I was not shy about telling them what was going on.When June came around, I was depressed. I didn't want to get out of bed and I cried a lot. I think I worried my friends because, somehow, we started making plans to do socially distanced activities. My mother was back at her seasonal job and my dad was either gone at work or sleeping most of the day for work (he switches shifts each week). Anyway, I would hang out with them for a few hours before I went home. Was it a risk? Yes. And I was always afraid after every visit. But I needed it. Seeing them helped and it allowed me to escape the house for a little while.Demands continued to get worse at the house and I started asking work if I could go back, at least for a few days. They agreed, as we were really far behind and they needed the help. I made it so I would work from home when my mother was at work and went to the office when she was home. That caused problems. Even though my mother was working, my presence at my job was "putting the family at risk". Somehow, I was the one who was more likely to be contaminated. Mind you, I have almost zero contact with the public with my job, we are required to wear our masks whenever we are not at our desks, we have sanitizers all over the place, and we clean everything in the morning to keep it safe. My mother has contact with the public and people are not required to wear masks. My father works at an industrial facility.My friends decided to do a once a week thing where we could all get together and either talk, watch movies, work on our projects, and do things that can maintain some distance but remain close. This has been my life saver as it has helped maintain my sanity. I would often complain about the things my parents would say or do during the week. I feel so bad for how often I would vent and nearly breakdown. Every week, I had something to tell them. They listened intently and would do their best to help. Whenever they had something happening, I would always listen and try to help too.You can bet my mother made comments about this too. She would often try to convince me not to go and would say that I was, again, "putting the family at risk." Things continued like this for awhile. We sometimes have a fourth person at our table, sometimes not.We decided that, for Halloween, we were going to watch movies, chat, eat candy, and have a good time. I told my mother about this (because she needs to be aware if I'm going to be home for dinner and to placate her to not blow my phone up) and she made the comments.EM: "You're putting us all at risk by doing this! Why don't you ever think about your father and I? You refuse to take this seriously and are only thinking about yourself! You have a higher chance of surviving this if you get sick."Me: "One. You put us at risk more by going into work. Two. I take precautions at every chance I can get. The only times I can't always is when people insist on ignoring social distancing. Three. I have just as much chance of dying horribly as you do; COVID doesn't care about age. You tell me every time the news brings up someone around my age or younger dies, so you should know that."EM: "Why is it always an argument with you?!"Two days before Halloween, my mother was waffling on about handing out candy. I said "I wouldn't do it this year. It's way too risky."She'd agree. Then disagree. Then change her mind. Then decide to go through with it. I gave up on it and figured she would do the right thing considering how concerned she was about it. So I went to my friends' place and we had a good time. This morning, I was talking with my mother and, of course, she brought up how I had put the family at risk going to my friends' place. She also made a comment about how there had been a lot of kids last night.Me: "You handed out candy?"EM: "Yes, I did."Me: "Then I don't want you to say that I'm the one putting us at risk."EM: "It's different! I was wearing a mask and I sanitized my hands so much it dried them out!"Me: "Yeah, and if any of those people had it, you just let it into the house."EM: "Well, I handed it to them as far away as I could! And they were all wearing masks."Me: "Then I don't ever want to hear how I'm putting us all at risk by seeing two people at their house and taking precautions again."I tuned her out at this point as she went off about it. Something about being disrespectful and something about how she wouldn't treat her mother this way.I know I am not right in this situation. I should be staying home as much as possible and not visit friends like I have been. I feel like I trapped between a rock and a hard place. I could stay home and never see my friends, but it will be at the detriment to my mental health. Considering how she acted before, I feel like I am justified in what I am doing.**If anyone has any advice, I would gladly welcome it. Yes, I am in the process of moving out. Apartments around here are scare and finding one available is like finding a unicorn.Tl;dr: EM is using the pandemic to keep me under her thumb and wear down my mental health. via /r/entitledparents https://ift.tt/359J2I9
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