I woke up my my best friend touching me.

[TRIGGER WARNING]​We (I/23F) celebrated Halloween with a couple of friends, we all got too drunk and I fell asleep alone in his (25M) bed. We decorated his house together and his roommate all swooned over how long we have been close friends, saying m/f relationships are rarely every platonic. We literally took the whole day for him to host this and my last words before falling asleep was telling my friend (22/F) saying, "I can stay here, I trust him." thinking of the countless nights I've crashed in his couch or bed without a worry.He knew about my rape a year ago, the details of it and how it led me to a deep depression that I to this day struggle with. He knows I have issues trusting men and will avoid being alone with one at all costs. My scars are visible and the type that "once you know, you know."But yet, I woke up to him touching every intimate part of my body. Under my cheetah costume that him and his roommate had pep-talked me to not changing for something more conservative. I froze, I could feel my heart in my throat and despite trying to scream, I could not make noise. The fever dream that I wake up to being assaulted the has costed me sleep for the past year became a reality, for the rest of the night I stayed frozen as he touched my body inside and outside of my costume. Eventually the sun came out and I started hyperventilating, he pretended to be asleep and I was able to get up and leave. I think he believed I was asleep the entire time. I confided in his roommate who advised me to speak to him. His roommate noted that it was odd 25M disappeared early during the halloween dinner but was under the impression that I had Uber'd home.I'm so heartbroken over this. I not only feel betrayed but I feel absolutely drained, mentally and emotionally. I slept all day Sunday from 10am till Monday at 7am, to get home at seven and sleep until the next morning. I just want to sleep but the second I close my eyes my night terrors begin, something I had taken months to cope with is now beyond my control. I don't think I will contact him, I don't know how to cope with this. He has tried contacting me twice since and I just don't reply, he is not mentioning the event. via /r/rapecounseling https://ift.tt/3oP8zOV