Narcissistic parents?

Hi. We are two sisters that have read some posts on this subreddit, and we both feel like it’s close or similar to what we’ve experienced in childhood (as well as now, after we’ve both become adults). We would like your opinion on this, do you think one or both of our parents are narcissists or are we overreacting like they always say we do? We’re not native English speakers, so sorry in advance for the bad English haha. Sorry in advance for the bad humour, but it’s how we cope with this. We realize that this is going to be really long, so it’s okay to only read a few bullet points if it is too much. Thank you.Some background info:We grew up with both our parents (they recently got separated). They have three kids; two girls (us) and a boy. The oldest sister (A) is now 25 years old, the younger sister (B) is now 22 years old, and the youngest kid, and their golden boy/mega favourite (C) is now 17 years old. Both our parents really wanted a son, and when C was born he immediately became the favourite. A lives with her fiancé (D) and their two kids; a two year old (E) and a six month old (F). They live four hours away from our parents. B also moved into their house this summer. C still lives with our mom. Both A and B have suffered with mental illnesses, mostly depression and anxiety. B was almost diagnosed with Childhood PTSD, as she had a lot of the symptoms.Our parents have always had problems in their relationship (as far as we can remember), we’ve never really seen them as a couple. They have big communication issues. They have never really had a good relationship with any of the kids either. They are also kind of hoarders, the house is always messy and dirty. They have used our old rooms and our old playroom/secondary living room as storage places. It’s impossible to find anything. They never clean, except maybe the first floor around Christmas, because the extended family comes over. The garage is really bad, it’s a two-car-garage and it can’t even fit one of their cars. They have an extra fridge and an extra freezer in the garage, which is almost impossible to get to (and they are filled with food). Our parents rarely let us have friends over when we still lived at home, because of the state of the house. But C never had to ask to have friend over, his best friend was always at our house. Every time we wanted to hang out with our friends (ex. Go to the cinema), we had to ask several weeks in advance – or we wouldn’t get an answer in time. They took weeks to even talk together, and then they had to discuss it for a long time.15 years ago our dad was in a really bad car accident. He drove off the road and down a cliff. He recently told A that he might’ve tried to kill himself, but he doesn’t remember because he blacked out. He struggled a lot with PTSD afterwards. He had major anger issues, especially towards A. Our dad has also told us that mom didn’t accept this, or that he was struggling at all. Mom also told B that having mental illnesses or struggles makes you weak and said that our dad is mentally weak because he suffered from PTSD after the accident. When A and B were teens, dad told us several times that he wanted to die and that the family would be better off without him.Our mom treats B as her best friend, and not her child. She doesn’t really have any friend at all. When she first realized that dad cheated on her, she only confided in B about it and told her that she wasn’t allowed to tell anyone about it (not even her best friend of 10 years). Mom is obsessed with appearing like the perfect family. After dad’s car accident, she told us not to tell anyone about him having to go to a psychologist. When A became a teenager, she and mom fought a lot. Mom got really angry with A all the time, and A was never allowed to be angry. If A was angry she was just called a stupid teenager, even if she was mad about something serious. B learned to not be angry because of this, and tried to always be on her good side (she became a people-pleaser, hating when people disliked something she said or when people argued with her). Mom always blamed A and B for our dad’s anger issues. She also shittalked him to us a lot. Mom has always been really controlling. One example: they got new internet and she had an app where she could see who was using it. She was controlling who could be on the internet, throwing us out or denying us access if she didn’t know it was us, or if she wanted to. She also randomly turned it off, even though we needed it for school. This was while we were adults, though similar stuff has happened our entire lives.We constantly felt like we had to be on our guard as kids. Listening for their footsteps in the stairs. We used to send each other messages if we heard mom or dad in the stairs to warn each other. We always hoped we didn’t say anything that would upset them. Feeling like nothing was ever good enough. We always try to get their approval, especially mom’s (even now). We used to make their bed, clean the entire house, make dinner, breakfast in bed for them etc. We still try to clean and tidy up for them, but we usually get yelled at (before they trash it again). We always have the feeling that we have to make them happy, that we are responsible for their happiness (which is why we do all that). But we know it always ends bad for us (them yelling at us, talking bad at us, not noticing what we cleaned etc.).A lot of the problems are implicit. D hates visiting our parents because of the bad vibe. He feels out of place and not welcome, even if they smile and act nice. Mom has said shit to him, trying to change him. When he first started dating A, they didn’t act welcoming at all. They even made him sleep in a tent in the middle of summer (when it was way too hot to sleep in a tent, especially when you’re not used to the heat).Now we’ll write out some of the shit that’s happed in our lives. We’ll put them in bullet points to make it easier to read.Dad’s anger issuesA do remember our dad as a pretty decent father, but after the accident he changed. B and C does not remember him as anything but scary and angry. B does not really remember anything from our childhood without prompting. We both remember running up the stairs, terrified, with our dad shortly behind thundering up the stairs. If we did something to anger him we had to run to safety (our bedrooms) and hold the door shut, so that he’d eventually give up.Dad was always the one to do the grocery shopping. Several times he bought yogurts that we didn’t like. We were forced to eat them anyways, because our mom told us that he would get angry with us for not liking or eating the yogurts.When he got angry, he often stormed out of the room, slammed the door shut behind him and drove off with the car, not telling anyone where he was going (and being gone for hours). He also ran after us, usually up the stairs and into our rooms where he proceeded to spank us (giving bruises and making us cry). He has also smashed his fist trough the kitchen cabinet door, thrown a plate at A (which shattered in the wall right beside her head), and thrown cutting boards after us.One evening A went down to the kitchen because she was hungry. It was hours since her last meal, so she wanted to get a slice of bread before dinner. The parents were not making dinner, nor did they know what to make yet. A made her sandwich and was about to walk up the stairs. Dad comes in and says that they will make dinner, but he does not know when. Then A said that she was hungry now, and that she needed to eat because she was starting to feel nauseous and bad. He then got mad and threw a big, fat roll of gaffer tape/gaffa tape. The tape hit her shin as she ran upstairs. She had a gigantic bruise for several weeks after the incident. Which made her scared to change in the wardrobe before PE. Both mom and dad never mentioned it afterwards (they never do).​Food problemsIn our country it is normal to eat dinner around 4-5PM, and it’s not normal to eat fast food. One usually makes dinner at home and eat out maybe once a month or less. Our parents never set up a plan, and thereby never knew what to make for dinner. This led to them asking us and forcing us to make dinner all the time. They also fought and argued about who should be making the dinner, and what they should make. This resulted in fast food dinners because they never could agree on who would make the dinner and what to eat.For a long time A made pancakes for dinner every Wednesday. They got mad if she didn’t, and they never thanked her or said anything positive about it. Whenever they actually got around to make something, it would be done around 9PM or later. They usually made potatoes, some overcooked vegetables and a really overcooked piece of meat. The meat was almost impossible to chew and swallow. B choked on the meat every time, but they still forced her to eat it. If we didn’t eat during the dinner, we had to sit by the table until we ate it or managed to sneak away and go to bed hungry. We, mostly B, got sick of the smell of food. We both have had eating disorders afterwards. Mom has later said that B was probably allergic to the meat.We often went to bed hungry because we didn’t like the dinner and they got angry if we ate something else. Sometimes we even went to bed before they made dinner, because it was so late and it was a school-day. When we got older, A forced herself to eat it by swallowing whole pieces of meat. B still struggled to eat the nasty food, and was forced to sit there for hours (A tried to keep her company when she could) even when she went to high school.In the weekends, we only ever ate twice a day: around 12pm and 11pm or 12 am. We were never allowed to just take food when we were hungry outside of meals, because they “might make dinner soon” (spoiler: they never did. Or maybe they did if you consider 6 hours soon). They always had a fully stocked fridge (or two). Always had lots and lots of fruit and berries that we weren’t allowed to eat – it always went bad. When it went bad, they shamed and blamed us for not eating it sooner. Mom has even told her colleagues that it was annoying that we always called to ask if we could eat something, even though she forced us to always ask first. Today they act like this never happened, and say that we “of course can take whatever we want when we’re hungry”, but we struggle to do that because we never did when we were children. A and B even struggle to remember that it’s okay to eat fruit (or bread or whatever) when they’re hungry, even when they bought it themselves.B struggled with stomach aches and went to the doctor several times. This went on for years. When she was about 10 years old, the doctor told her to stop consuming dairy products. Mom and dad refused to make dinners without dairy, and B was forced to make her own dinners, eat their dinner and get sick, or not eat at all.​Mom’s eating habitsOur mom always talked about how bad it was to eat potatoes and badly cooked meat all the time in her own childhood (although she never seems to understand that she forced us through the same). She often went hungry and we could hear her stomach growling, she often said she didn’t even feel hungry. She would rather eat nuts because it was healthy. She ate tons of nuts instead of making dinner when everyone was hungry anyway. She always snacked on nuts, chocolate, chips and other candy – we were never allowed to have any because we could only eat candy on Saturdays. She also drank lots and lots of cola, which we were never allowed to drink. We were only allowed to drink soda on the weekends – but never cola because it was all hers. She also tried to diet (her diet meant not eating until she binged on candy) again and again. She has also commented a lot on our bodies, and her own body. She told us that our hips are good for giving birth (which is weird and kind of creepy when you’re barely a teen). She has hated on C’s best friend’s parents for working out – saying that they were show-offs and thought they were better than they actually are. She always called her childhood friend (and also family member) fat all the time – she always compared herself with the friend to feel better about herself. They don’t really speak with each other anymore…​The cycling nightmare that never endsWhen we were kids we used to cycle around the neighbourhood, pretending our bikes were horses (as kids do). When the time came to remove the training wheels from A’s bicycle our dad was supposed to teach her to cycle without them. He tried a few times, got angry and stormed away. A was then forced to teach herself how to cycle.When the time came for B to remove her training wheels out dad tried to teach her, but failed again when she didn’t get it immediately. Instead of giving her the confidence she needed, he just put the training wheels back on and ignored the problem. When we started school the cycling problem only got worse. Our school used to have an annual cycling day – were you were supposed to bring your bike to school, cycle around an obstacle course and join a small biking trip (which started with biking down a long hill and consisted of multiple hills after that) afterwards. B was so scared and afraid of being humiliated that she actually got sick on these days. Mom and dad ignored it, and tried to force her to go anyway. Once they even tried to force her to go with her training wheels on. B managed to stay home in the end, the school never asked about why she never showed up to the cycling day. Before the last cycling day (when B was 13 years old) our Dad took her to an empty parking lot so she could practise. She sat on the bike and immediately cycled without the training wheels – with no help from him (at least he tried this time). It wasn’t the skill that held her back, but the fear of failing and lack of confidence. Up to this point our parents often made sly comments about and mocked her for not being able to cycle without training wheels. After the cycling day B never cycled again unless she had to. Cycling became a very sore spot for her.When it was time for C to remove his training wheels he got the support and help he needed to succeed. He even taught one of the neighbourhood kids how to bike – which our mom often praised him for (and still do), while simultaneously shaming the kids parents for not teaching her how to bike.A few years later, the day before C’s Christian Confirmation, mom told a friend of hers in a mocking toneWhen C had his Christian confirmation (when he turned 15 years old), we helped with the preparations for the celebration. Mom told her cousin about how B didn’t learn how to bike before she was a teen, and laughed about it. B started to hysterically cry because she was so embarrassed, and never thought her mom would talk about that to anyone. Her cousin reacted badly to her “joke”, and consoled B instead – mom did not console B or say sorry at all.A year ago B watched a movie with her parents. The protagonist in the movie couldn’t cycle before she was a teen, and felt bad about it. The dad came into her life and taught her how to do it. She struggled a lot and eventually cycled (but kind of bad). Everyone around them started clapping. B sat there feeling super awkward because she could relate to the girl, and because she was forced to stay there to watch the entire movie. A later told mom that it had been weird and not nice for B to watch that movie, but she pretended that she didn’t know what A was talking about at first – and later said that she hadn’t understood how B could have been uncomfortable with that.​“I wish I had your dad” and “Your mom is so nice”Dad has always seemed like a great dad to everyone outside the immediate family. We were really scared of him, especially because of the anger issues. But around friends and strangers he acted like a great person. He seemed kind and funny, and B’s best friend said that she wished she had our dad. Dad always used up all his energy at work, leaving only the bad stuff for when he got home.The family’s façade has always been important to our mom. Because of this everyone else usually saw her as really kind, loving and cool. But behind closed doors we never felt loved, or even seen. We have never heard our mom say “I love you” to any of us. Mom never really had time for us, as she always brought work home – and sat on the computer for hours every day. She always had a fake voice and attitude when strangers or friends were visiting or when we were out in public (kind of like when you’re in costumer service).​B losing her best friendWhen B went to elementary and middle school (from 5-13 years old) she had a best friend she always hanged out with. They had a lot of fun together, but grew apart when they started high school (when they were 14 years old). B was really hurt that her best friend never had time for her anymore, and that she chose to only hang out with other people. Mom tried to force B to call her former best friend, to get them to hang out, because she never listened or paid attention to what was happening. She asked after B’s best friend all the time, but B was too hurt to really speak about her. B got a new best friend, but mom hated her (see next bullet point). Mom would rather have her hang out with the old best friend, and tried to force it. She always brought it up at weird times, asking why the former best friend never called – but never asking how B felt or if anything had happened.​Holding a grudge against a little kid, for yearsOne of the few times B was allowed to have a friend over, she brought the new best friend home (this was before they were best friend though). They were about 10 years old at the time. When mom came home, she found the friend leaning against the kitchen table. She got really angry, and yelled at the friend to not lean on the table. She proceeded to ask her “do you sit on the table at home?”, the friend cockily answered yes (she was kind of a rebel back then, having a lot of family shit on her own). After this mom hated her, and still kind of do. She is more okay with her now though. She used to shittalk the friend both in front of B and when B was in her room and heard her shittalking her friend.About two year ago mom was telling A about B’s insecurities. She then proceeded to tell the story about how B’s friend was reaaally rude and that she sat on the kitchen table. Mom said that she shouldn’t tell A the name of the person, but B had already told A so she already knew. After Mom was finished telling the story, she told A the name of the friend anyway. A pretended to not know anything about it, and mom was kind of bragging about how she bested a little kid.​Staight A’s isn’t good enoughBoth A and B has always done well in school, even though our parents never helped us with anything. Dad tried to help a few times, but usually got to angry and had to leave the house. Mom didn’t even bother to try. But when C started struggling in school, they both came to the rescue and helped him with homework every day.A and B got straight A’s in school. We came home with amazing test resulted, and showed it proudly to our parents. We never got any praise or acknowledgement of our achievements. Our mom usually joked about how we only got an A or only got an A+, and how we should have gotten an even better grade that doesn’t even exist. Later she would brag about our achievements to her colleagues. We only heard that we did something kind of good, if she told us she had bragged about it at work. And how her colleagues had praised her for being a great mom, or saying that she must be amazing and super smart for us to get good grades. Mom never tells us that we’re good at anything, she only mentions it if she’s already told her colleagues and gotten praise for being a good mom. She then tells us that she told her colleagues and only focuses on their reaction on how she’s a great mom, and undermines our achievements by only focusing on herself.A wrote her bachelor paper and got an A+ with lots of praise from all the professors at her esteemed university, as well as praise from researchers. The school even considered publishing her paper. Mom and dad never bothered to even try to read it, but D(the boyfriend)’s parents did. D’s parents praised her, while mom and dad didn’t even say “good job”. A has now written a book, she’s afraid to tell our parents because she feels that our mom will steal her achievement and undermine her work. B has also written her bachelor paper, but they didn’t bother to read it either.​The evil mother-in-lawMom has always hated dad’s family. She can’t stand them, and thinks that they’re fake. (Sidenote: there are some actual real reasons for her to not like them as well, but it’s mostly bullshit). Mom’s mother-in-law, or the evil mother-in-law (EMIL), is the one she hates the most. EMIL usually has an annual get together every summer. EMIL has a “shrimp party”, where we go to her and eat shrimp and burgers, and hang out with our dad’s side of the family (we don’t ever see them other than this, even if they live next door to us). Mom always hates it, and never wants to go.At C’s Christian confirmation the evil EMIL was tasked to bake a cake. EMIL’s cake was ready the day before the confirmation, so she decided to deliver it to the venue early (the rest of the family was preparing food there anyways). After EMIL left, mom started to complain. She was angry because EMIL decided to deliver the cake early instead of taking it with her the day of the confirmation party. Mom told us that EMIL was only there to spy on us, to see how bad we were doing.Mom has also asked EMIL for the recipe to bake the cake (it’s a cake EMIL always makes for family gatherings). EMIL told mom that she couldn’t give her the recipe, because an old lady gave her it and couldn’t make it herself anymore. So EMIL believes that if she gives mom the recipe, she won’t be able to make it anymore. After this mom got angry, and always talks about how bad it tastes (even though she used to like it).EMIL has also visited our parents house when A was there, so she could see E and F (who she rarely sees, because they live far away). Mom always gets mad about it, and says that she’s only there to spy on her. To try and find mistakes in the home, see how dirty and untidy it is. And talk about it to other people afterward. (We don’t think she’d bother to do that at all, as she has never talked badly about our mother or our house).Mom has told A that she looks a lot like EMIL, as an insult. She was also mad at A when A and EMIL went for a walk together (A decided to take her on a walk because mom hates it when EMIL is at the house). She mocked A, and asked her if they were best friends and if she was her favourite.​The golden boyAs we mentioned earlier, C is definitely the golden boy. He could never do anything wrong (even when he ran away, or stole stuff from them, or stole from his summer job, or stole from us, or when his grades were really bad, or when he told the family secrets to his friend, or when he broke all their rules).C had the biggest bedroom in the house. When A moved out, our parents needed a guest bedroom (a big one for when A and her family visits), so they told C that he had to take A’s old bedroom. His room was the only bedroom that was renovated, which led him to complain about A’s small bedroom and its state. Our parents (mom especially) told him that they could renovate his new bedroom, and that he could get B’s bedroom too. C liked this idea, so he moved into A’s old bedroom. B did not know about these plans. When she came home one day there was suddenly a door between her and C’s new bedroom. They proceeded with the renovations, and when B moved out they renovated that bedroom too. When we lived there they told us that we could not renovate our bedrooms, even though we said we could do it ourselves. B felt like they didn’t want her there anymore, and that she had to move out. Mom said that C could get both of our old rooms, and that they needed to be renovated because he was going to live there for many years (even though he’s 17 years old and might leave for college soon).We were never allowed to have a TV, or sofa in our rooms – but the golden boy gets everything he wants. When we asked to get a TV in our room, we said we could buy it ourselves, but they just buy everything for C. We also asked to get a new TV in the upstairs living room, because we could only watch DVD’s on it, not actual TV – but they refused. He doesn’t have to pay, and if he does it’s only a small amount (or they “forget” that he owes them). The TV he got was a smart TV, it was really expensive. They also bought him a sofa to have in one of his rooms.A little while ago, B was told there was a rumour about C. The rumour said that our dad had beat C up really bad. People were considering contacting child protective services. A and B decided to ask C about it. He told us that it wasn’t true, but that dad has hit him before. All of us decided to tell our parents in case someone contacted child protective services. We knew that our neighbours knew about the rumour, and that they work as a police officer and a social worker (who works with kids with those exact problems). We sat our parents down in the living room, and told them calmly. Dad got really sad that people would think that about him. But he thanked us for telling them. Mom, however, started to laugh at us. She said that it was ridiculous that anyone would ever think that about them and demanded to know who we heard it from. We wouldn’t give up our informant, because she was the one who leaned on the table and mom already hates her enough (bullet point 7). She just mocked us and got mad that we told them about the rumour. She never mentioned it ever again.​“It’s evil to hit a child”B wrote her bachelors on childhood abuse. She had to print it out, so she asked mom to do it for her. Mom is the only one in the house that has access to the printer, so everyone has to send it to her (even though it should be easy for everyone to have access to it, as it has Bluetooth). She saw what B was writing about, and started to comment (even though she refused to actually read it). She said “how can someone hit a child, they have to be evil” (funny ‘cause they have hit us multiple times).​“That never happened!”Our entire childhood we have been asking ourselves what really happened and what didn’t. We recently started to talk to each other about it, and discovered that mom has been gaslighting us for a long time. She always said “that didn’t happen”, “you must have dreamt it”, “you have a vivid imagination”, “you must have seen it in a movie/read it in a book” etc. when we said that she had done or said something. It didn’t have to be abusive or anything. We could tell her that we were going to the cinema with a friend, and she would say that we never told her – even though we did (multiple times). She proceeded to say that we must have dreamt it. She would deny basic facts, or stuff that wasn’t important at all. B has big troubles remembering her childhood because of this, and she only remembers some things when she talks with A.​“You’re not sick, you’re just faking it”We’ve never been allowed to be sick. We always have to have proof for them to believe us. This meant that if we didn’t have a fever or they didn’t see us throwing up, we had to go to school even when we felt really sick. If they get proof that we actually are sick, we are forced to do school work – but C never had to do that. Or they would tell us that we had to try to go to school anyway.One time A was sick at home (puking), and B told our parents that she felt sick too. Mom didn’t believe her, and sent her to school anyway (she was like 7 years old). One hour into the school day B threw up, over the entire table, at school. She was sent home by the school. Mom got embarrassed and asked why B didn’t tell her that she actually was sick for real.​Shady Business / The Family BusinessOur mom forced us into a job at a young age. The job was managing a booth for a farm in the summer time, where we would sell various produce. We worked long days, sometimes even more than 12 hours. As we were working in a booth, we would not get breaks and we could not go to the toilet (we were in the middle of nowhere). We were forced to work even when we were feeling really sick (which is bad when you sell food). After years of working there, we told our mom that we didn’t want to do it anymore. She told us that she had the same job when she was young, and that she had crappy work hours and didn’t get paid well enough. We tried to tell her that there are laws which forbid us to work at all (because we were too young), the law also states that one is required to have a long break, teens can not work more than 6 hours a day and there is a minimum wage that our boss didn’t meet. We were told to lie to people who came and asked and were working for the government because they tried to prevent these rules from being broken. We only got a job contract because of these government people checking in on teens working. Our mom said that we were lucky to have a job, and that we should be more appreciative. A and B talked a lot about the job, and everything that was wrong or illegal about it, mom then got angry and proceeded to protect our boss (who were using children, didn’t pay taxes and broke basically every law there is for teens working). When we tried to leave the job she would tell us that they needed us, and that our boss had called. It was basically an emergency EVERY DAY, because they didn’t have enough people to sell stuff (and guess who told the boss that we didn’t have anything planned). She never accepted that we did not like or want to work there, and just continued to push it on us. When it comes up now, years later, she says that she never pushed us, that we wanted to work and that the boss never did anything illegal.​The Bathroom IncidentWhen B was around 5 years old she got a red nailpolish pen from our grandmother (not EMIL). B thought it was a good idea to draw on the bathroom furniture, to decorate it and make it pretty. She wrote her and A’s nicknames on the cabinets with hearts. She thought A would be happy when she saw it. Mom and dad found it first. They yelled at us, and we found them really scary. B wanted to tell them it was her, but she was too frightened. Mom got pissed and asked A if she had done it, saying she knew it was her. She dragged A to the bathroom to look, and to force her to scrub it clean. A did of course not do it, nor know about it, so she told our parents this. They didn’t believe her, and forced her to clean it. They grounded A, and she didn’t get to eat dinner with us (she only got the small leftovers). Years later B told them that it actually was her, but they just said they didn’t do anything wrong, and never apologized to A.​The Turkey disaster from HellWe never went anywhere on vacation as a family (it is common in our country to travel at least 1-2 times a year), but when A was moving out they figured that we should take a family vacation. They decided to travel to Turkey and stay at a hotel there for a week. A and B were excited. The problems started when we packed our luggage. Our mom needed to use the biggest suitcase, our dad also needed a big suitcase all by himself, the golden boy also got a decent sized suitcase. When A and B wanted to pack their stuff mom told us that we had to share a medium sized suitcase, even though everyone else in the family got their own. Do have in mind that we were 16-19 years old, and actually needed some space. We decided not to argue about this, as we didn’t want to ruin the vacation before it even began.At the airplane our parents had bought a lot of candy. A and B even got their own bag of skittles and chocolate. When we arrived we got our room keys. A and B was supposed to share a room, and our parents would share with C. We got to our room and started to unpack. Then our parents stormed into the room and looked around eagerly. They decided that our bed was bigger than theirs. Our parents left the room for a short moment before they came back with a ruler. They had measured the size of their bed, and now they wanted to measure our bed to compare. After measuring they concluded that our bed was 2 cm bigger (which doesn’t even make sense, the mattress would be the same anyway). They threw us out of the room, even though we already had unpacked everything. Their old room already had a bed for C ready, so this switch caused extra work for the hotel staff.As if that wasn’t enough, after the room switch, we noticed that our new room was missing some cups (the room had cups, teas and a water boiler). We had to fight our parents to get ours back because they took it and said that they always had double. We were also missing towels, because they had showered and used every towel before the switch. After we had unpacked everything again we decided to chill on the bed and eat some of the candy. Then mom barged in and saw us having fun. She got angry because we had the candy that she gave us on the plane and said that she never gave it to us. She took it back to her room and added it to their large pile of candy. Our two bags was about 5% of the amount they brought. Every time we wanted some candy we had to go to their room and beg, which would lead to us getting a very tiny amount. Mom also wanted us to eat it in their room. As we were two persons sharing a room, we had two room keys. Mom argued and took one of the keys from us, because she needed to have control over us all the time. This meant that we had to share one key. We did not, however, get a key to their room.This of course led to us being bitter about the whole situation, and our mom continued to bring the bitterness up all the time. Mom blamed it all on A being a stupid teenager. She also said that we were ungrateful and that they needed the bigger bed because they were bigger (2 cm did apparently make a huge difference). The entire vacation we were treated as servants, told to fetch food, drink and beer for them. What a vacation..​The first, second and third vegetarian ChristmasWhen we both moved out and started to actually make choices ourselves, we decided to go vegetarian. B told our parents that we were going vegetarian and was mocked in front of our entire family. Mom talked about it and brought it up all the time, just to shame B and tell her that she was a weirdo. A told mom about the change short time after this, but as she didn’t visit as often she was not mocked (but most likely shit talked behind her back). When Christmas came around B was talking to mom about what she would eat during Christmas dinner. Mom was surprised to hear that A and B were both vegetarian, as she had assumed that A was joking. This was half a year after A told her. A would celebrate Christmas with D’s family and B would celebrate with her parents, brother, grandparents, and uncles. Christmas came around and the big dinner started out with one of our uncles targeting B, telling her that she was eating grass etc. Our parents did nothing to stop this and never said anything against it.The second Christmas, A was also going to be there. A and B talked to mom and said that B felt attacked last Christmas. Mom said that she didn’t notice, but she was clear about looking for the signs and protecting us this time around. The dinner did not go smoothly, but it was a lot better than last time. After the dinner our uncles ganged up with some of our cousins, shit talking vegetarian lifestyle in general. They said really stupid things like “the planet will overflow with cows, and they will poop and fart all over the place”. None of our parents did anything to stop this, even though we talked about our insecurity’s hours earlier. They did not attack A as strongly as B, but A still felt that she could not say anything to defend her sister. If she had started to talk, she knew she would have gone in full attack mode and our parents would have blamed it all on us. A took mom to the side and explained the situation and telling her that she and B would be leaving early. Mom said that she didn’t notice that the entire conversation was a big mocking of B for hours, but she let us go.After the second Christmas we talked to our parents about this again. Our dad seemed to take it seriously, but mom shrugged it off. The third Christmas went a lot better, but this was mostly because the uncles didn’t show up. via /r/narcissisticparents https://ift.tt/38cqYzp