This is going to be extremely long. Sorry. I need to rant.So, little by little my FMIL is becoming a JN. I guess she's kind of always been now that I think of it, but it's starting be geared towards me now.My FFIL and FMIL were kind enough to allow me to live in their home while this whole Covid thing was at peak hysteria. I stayed with them because my father contracted a very bad case of Covid and we were told several times to prepare for the worst because he was just likely not going to make it. (My dad is now home and has recovered!) I started suffering pretty severe anxiety and my SO was amazing to me. He risked his well-being to come and walk with me and hold me at three in the morning every day when I was almost in tears (I live at home and was in direct contact with my father). And his family risked their well-being by letting me stay knowing I could have Covid. I will be forever grateful for that.Things were great while I was staying there. His mom was so hospitable and would share gossip with me about everything and everyone, including her mother. She's a huge gossiper and I make sure not to tell her anything because of it. But she would always cook for me separately from everyone else because I'm a vegetarian. It felt awesome.Problems I noticed though were that the house is filthy. She lies a lot about how much she does around the house to everyone. I would often find myself cleaning and had no problem doing so because I was so grateful. My FSIL is also a JN. She has been since the beginning. We're civil to each other, but she's pretty much made it clear that she doesn't like me. Well, she has two kids that she doesn't do SHIT for. She leaves them with her parents and the kids are just so neglected. They are 3 and 5 years old. I went into the kids room one day and I could not believe how filthy it was. I should've taken pictures. I had avoided saying anything to my SO about the cleanliness because I didn't want to seem ungrateful for what they were doing for me, but when it comes to kids who don't know any better, I just blow up. I wasn't rude (at least I don't think so) but I was angry. I went and got my SO and took him to the kids room and told him that it was unacceptable for kids to be like this. He's been wanting to start a family and I told him I would not be okay with my child being neglected like this. Guys... there was fucking poop in the toy box and pee in some of the cooking toys. And it was just such a mess that you couldn't walk through the room. I told him not to yell at the kids because this is a problem with those who are in charge of the kids. Children aren't born knowing how to clean. They aren't born with structure. They need to be taught this. And that's something else that bothers me. Anytime the kids do something wrong, everyone flips out on them. I talked to my SO about that too and made sure he understood that they're just learning from what they see. He understood and talked to the kids (he's like their dad because their father is absent and is a POS just like their mom). With the kids help, we threw out a bunch of their toys and cleaned the room up. And the kids were happy to do it! There was no fuss and they volunteered so many toys to donate. I told him that the kids were awesome because they were so ready to help and to give up. I made sure to tell the kids how awesome they were and that we were proud of them. My SO then started cleaning the living room where we were sleeping and it was also crazy filthy under the couches. There was an old ass dead rat. His mom comes and sees that we're cleaning and starts acting like she's going to help. She sees the rat and is like "oh I just haven't caught that yet because I haven't done my once a month deep clean." LIES. She never cleans!!! She'll sweep and mop and think that's all she needs to do. No. You need to move things and sweep under them too! Especially when there are kids in the house!!! They're so selfish and don't think about how kids shouldn't be living like that. I told my SO, my sister works with child services and if she came here, the kids would be taken immediately. But he put no blame on his parents. It was all his sister's fault because she is the mom. Yeah, that's true, but we're now supposed to let the kids suffer because if the mom doesn't do it then oh well? Like, I don't understand!! When his sister got home, they all had a talk that night about how she needed to step up. And it became a fight. And I'm sure his sister feels it's all my fault because these issues were never brought up until I started staying there. She couldn't (and never does) take responsibility. It wasn't her fault. It was no one's fault at the end of it. And so the issue never gets fixed, but everytime I go over I go and check the room and ask the kids to help us clean up. (We live with my parents now because his family got Covid because they couldn't keep their freaking masks on and try to be safe for their family. My dad got Covid taking care of his mom. She got Covid from a nursing home where she had to stay for a while. My family gas been very careful with masks and cleaning. Sadly my grandmother ended up passing away from it.) His parents recovered thankfully and I told my SO that I didn't want to go back. We're getting an apartment next month. Yay!The other thing is that his mom lies like crazy. I think it's because she's so bored with her life. She stays home all day unless she goes to church with her husband or the store or the rare party. But damn, this lady can lie! They just come as naturally as breathing does for her.Me and my SO are expecting a baby in January and so we had a drive through baby shower a few weeks ago. Days before, we went shopping for decorations and my mom is awesome at all that. She's really great with arts and crafts. My SO wanted his mom involved too, but god damn she made the ugliest decorations I have ever seen. Out of paper. They looked like a preschooler made them and I am not exaggerating. I told him to invite her to go shopping for stuff with us and my mom. She came and my mom does get territorial with her decorating and I told her that she needed to at least make her feel a little included. They began talking about education and JNMIL started saying it's a huge waste of time. My mom instilled in us the importance of it and wasn't rude at all in making it known that she values education and that all her children are University students, with one of them having two masters and going for her doctorate. JNMIL gets offended and again begins to say that she didn't want that for her kids. It's a waste of your life and that her kids love her and love talking about all their problems to her because she never forced anything on them. Lies. Her kids can't stand her and I truly have never heard my SO say anything good about her besides that he loves her cooking. But she was insinuating that my mom's kids don't trust her or confide in her when we all do. Except for me, but that's just because I am uncomfortable with emotions and always have been. But I do have full trust and full appreciation for my mother. But JNMIL's daughter is a lowlife pot addict, absent mother who works and parties all day (gone from 7am-2am) and doesn't buy shit for her kids. It's funny because my mom knows this. I tell her about all this stuff. I would normally say something (I'm not one to keep my mouth shut) but my nausea was so bad that I just couldn't.That ends and I tell my SO we won't be using her decorations and she can just make arroz con leche. And my mom put a lot of money into this baby shower while his family was providing nothing. I made them pitch in with drinks and the arroz con leche. That annoyed me a little that they didn't offer any monetary help at all ever.Baby shower day comes and SO's family arrives when almost everything is set up already. How convenient. And when she gets there, JNMIL doesn't offer to help put up what else is left. She just sits there watching. Whatever. Cool. I ignore the shit out of them the whole day because they wanted to ignore my family putting everything up. Later in the night, she begins talking about me one day having twins. It runs in my family. I was just like "no I definitely do not want that haha." But she kept saying you're going to have them eventually! It was annoying me. I made it clear that the thought of twins was making me uncomfortable. It was probably hormones. It shouldn't bother me that much, but I was clearly uncomfortable and she kept pushing, so I just blurted out "If I do, I'll abort them!" With a huge smile on my face. (Sorry if I offend anyone, but I was pissed already and she kept poking.) My lovely cousin who is like a sister to me busted out laughing but everyone else was shocked. I made sure to thank my mom for each individual things she paid for and did at the end of the shower out loud.The next day was JNMIL's bday. We went to go eat. She told me that at the baby shower they were going to talk politics, but my mother didn't feel like it. I said "yeah, even though you guys align politically, a baby shower os no place for that." She then starts "trying" to discuss politics with me. She knows nothing about even the basics. Only that her side is the right side. I make it known that I don't 100% agree. She starts telling me she knows these things because she studied them in Mexico, while make these condescending smiling faces. I tell her "this isn't Mexico and I studied this in University. I know what I'm talking about. This is my major." And smile back at her with the same face. She starts asking me more and saying I'm just wrong and I tell her no. Give me your statistics. Of course she can't. She just ends it with "if your daughter comes out headstrong, we know why." I tell her "yup, she'll get it from us all because we're all equally annoying aren't we?" My poor SO is clearly upset. I'm not sure if at me or at his mom, but he's quiet the rest of the dinner.I go home and tell my mom about this. She tells me she never tried talking politics with her ever. She goes on to tell me that JNMIL did make a comment to her at the baby shower though when they briefly talked. She said her father had three girls at once and that we'll see if her son does the same and she laughs. My mom obviously takes offense and says, "my daughter has a very short temper and is not to be messed with. You would no longer have a son if he were to pull something like that." Why the fuck would she say that to my MOTHER and at my BABY SHOWER. It's beyond inappropriate.I haven't brought this is with my SO yet. But the next time his mom says something dumb, I'll bring it up.We went to his parents house yesterday to watch a movie and it seems like all of a sudden she has an issue with me being vegetarian. Previously she would always tell me how it's so healthy and awesome that I'm a veggie. I don't talk about it because it's a personal choice and I don't want to force anything on anyone. She comes up to us and says "son I have some news! The news is saying that vegetarians are getting sick." I tell her "why are you telling him this? He's not vegetarian." She says "oh. I just want him to know what's going on in the world." Then she walks away.What the fuck is her problem with me? I don't want to go down to her level, so I said nothing, but I know I'm going to blow up next time. I don't want to hurt SO because I know he loves his mother despite not being able to stand her, but I am not one to stay quiet. I don't care who you are. And I LOVE confrontation. It gives me a rush, which makes holding back harder.Now I'm just waiting/excited for parenting advice to come in so I can shut everything she says down. Also the problem of religion. JMFIL is a pastor and she's also extremely religious. SO is religious, but does not attend church. I am atheist. Me and SO have discussed this and we're both okay with each parent teaching the baby our beliefs when they ask and letting her chose when she's older. I know JNMIL is going to want to drill religion in and to take my baby to church. Nope! Me and SO decided that if our daughter's own father does not attend church, neither should she. His family also don't know I'm atheist. Can't wait to argue with them because I am the parent and cannot be wrong because it's MY daughter.Thanks for reading if you made it all the way through. via /r/JUSTNOMIL https://ift.tt/3k278sS
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