DAE feel completely useless when it comes to decorating for the holidays?

I grew up in a house that had the worst, tackiest tree ever and it was my narcissistic mother's great pleasure to invite me to decorate it, only to berate me the entire time. I do not have happy memories of trimming the tree. So I've let my husband dictate what "theme" he wants for the tree, and my only request was that it have clear, warm lights. The rest of it is a mishmash of plastic crap. I have no desire to fix this. I don't even care to decorate it. I let my children throw whatever they want, wherever they want on the tree.This is also how I feel about decorating the outside of my home. Growing up, I remember exactly once that we upgraded our lights to icicle ones. My dad was so angry the whole time he put them up and didn't want my help. They never came down again. We had lights strung up year-round.I have no idea how to hang lights. All of the little plastic anchors make me anxious and I don't understand why people enjoy putting up the lights. I would probably lose my shit like Clark Grizwold and just staple the fucking things to the roof. So every year, my lights are just looped around the railing of my front porch. There are steps that come down right in front of the door, and I have no idea how to cross the lights from the non-outlet side to the outlet side and get around the steps properly, so they just get stretched across in some fashion and they always get stepped on and broken during the winter.I'm fed up. I just looked up how to string lights across a porch (ours is more like a deck) and all of the beautiful designs just make me sick. My front porch will never look like that unless I spend a fortune on someone else doing it for me. I have nowhere to store seasonal shit, I have no desire to put up seasonal shit. But I so, so wish that I could have a beautiful home for the holidays.Family members just put up their lights and the husband was all braggy about how he likes to get it done before the snow flies. When I said that I just loop the lights around the porch, he laughed at me. His wife is Christmas crazy and I have to pretend like I don't want that. I don't think my husband knows what to do either. And the guy who bragged doesn't have time for us, so it's not like we can ask him for help.So here I am, grumpy about the lights but wishing I had something nice. I just looked at holiday decor from my local big box store and it's all expensive. I wish I wasn't so inept. I feel like I'm not a real woman or whatever because I don't decorate fucking anything inside my house -- there's hardly even anything on my walls. Am I the only one? via /r/breakingmom https://ift.tt/35kiX9m