(Note I used parental unit alot because of reasons from my previous post "Mom's Gamble on Life", I just feel more safer typing parental unit now than you know.... the common term for parental unit.)So I mentioned back in my posts that my female parental unit always associates me with my male parental unit, mainly because he used me as an excuse to stay at home.Time I explain what is the deal behind that: My female parental unit and my male parental unit fell in love. Although my grand parental unit was overbearing, she told her to stop dating him and that he is no good. My female parental unit didn't listen. (Then again, this family lineage is known for many unloving couples, rarely ones that love each other truly).My male parental unit changed a lot after marriage, according to her, and during the time I was a baby, they had arguments. He said he would not divorce her until I was 18, because I need him as a parental unit, around for my life.And since then, he used me as an excuse, but throughout my childhood, I was told to move out with him, constantly when they argued. I remember once when I was 8, I was told to move out with him and I begged her to let me stay.I always believed my father cared about me, because he made me food, made sure I was safe, and made sure I was sleeping okay. But I always noticed he rushed me alot and had tempermental issues too, but he seems much more calmer but more picky than my female parental unit.Also, I was constantly compared to him, and if you remember my previous posts, I mentioned she was "sorry" for me being B blood type like my male parental unit, being "selfish, lazy, and stupid".Eye roll.Now we get to the actual story.So it was Pocky Day, Veteran's Day, 11/11. I thought it was a day to relax to ease my head from my take home Calc test (It was more so a test we had to do but from 11 AM Tuesday to 11 AM Wednesday, this one of the reasons my Calc professor is one of my favorite professors. He understands it can be stressful during the quarantine). I thought it was going to be a more relaxing day. Nope.Around 9 AM, I hear a commotion in my kitchen. They're installing a new ventilator hood in the kitchen. I then hear the familiar tone I hear from my female parental unti to my male parental unit, saying he is useless and to back off. I didn't dare get near because I recalled being told to backoff too while helping. (She's also a bit impatient too, wanting to get things done in a timely manner.)When the vent is done, she's all happy and everything is calm. Nothing else bad would happen, right?Wrong.Not even a few hours afterwards, I was doing my written Calc homework, and all of a sudden, I hear more commotion in the kitchen. I didn't get much of the conversation but what followed was an argument and something expensive.Turns out, my male parental unit was supposed to clean the used nail tools on my female parental unit's moving drawer but thought the fancy foils was trash and threw them away. He didn't think these fancy foils my female parental unit needed for her potential client's nails (she's on call because of COVID).For those wondering what fancy nail foil is, here. https://ift.tt/38EsbQc She has a lot of them. Many beautiful patterns. Some were cherry blossoms, some were holiday related, and some were even lace like.I can understand where her anger was from, since he didn't seem to care about the foil (he threw my stuff away before without knowing the value behind it too) and threw it away, even dumping rice and spoiled leftovers over it.I would have let this slide... if it weren't for her rage to be shifted to me and my brother too.Here's another thing to be known about my female parental unit: Ever since I can remember, when my female parental unit gets furious, she becomes a whole new person. There is no talking reason to her when she is mad. She is deadset on making everyone see the error of thier ways, even when it's for small things.I try so hard to not trigger her, which is also one of my reasons for my paranoia, I can't even draw freely for one second without her criticizing me that I should be always studying and working on my assignments (lady I need a break, Calc and Chem 110 are not that simple) or that I find a real job and not some phony dream of art (we had plenty of disagreements with this).But guess what- the majority of the cluster of food stuff on the kitchen table wasn't even mine. Besides my few condiments bottles I used (usually the ones I use were mustard, relish, and ketchup), the other stuff were my uncle's doing: sardines, fish sauce, various seasonings, and leftover fish. She had the audacity of saying the pile of food stuff MY UNCLE left on the table were MY doing. My male parental unit and I already cleaned up my mess from cooking chicken nuggets and I was forced to clean my uncle's mess.I admit, I have horrible habits because of my male parental unit always shooing me away when I try to clean up my messes and my female parental unit nagging at me and comparing me to other successful people (that's another story for another time).I was in the middle of cleaning, when she said,"You and your father share the master bedroom. I want your room as my own. I never had a room of my own."EXCUSE ME? You said my room was mine since I was 10 when we moved in our home.My mother, with a lot of siblings, never had a room of her own. The closest she had of a room was a huge mini closet room in my grand parental units' master bedroom.This was the second time she wanted my room for herself. After having my room for over a decade, I didn't want to give it up. I finally had my room the way I wanted it. It was my own artistic space, it was my own workplace, and now she wants it because the flames started by my own male parental unit's mistake?!I lost it. I snapped sliently.In my nightgown, slacks, and, stupidly, without a mask and barefoot. With no thought, I rushed to the door, unlocked both the door and the screendoor and ran out.I ran and I ran. I didn't care what the neighbors thought. I ran as far as I could.I felt I was a child running away from a monster.I felt free but also sad and terrified.I ran around the neighborhood for who knows how long. I heard my mom screaming for me and looking back, I almost killed her for running away.I almost killed her, because at the time, I didn't think about my mom's heart condition. I didn't know she would run after me. I found out later, that she was trying to chase after me this whole time.She called my uncle to try to find me, and by the time he found me, I was many blocks away from my home. My mom came in the car after.I should add, I remember seeing a guy with his dog outside. He probably thought I was a lunatic. So did the other neighbors.I never have gotten far from running away before. The only other time I tried running away was back in December of 2017, but I didn't get far other than a few blocks.We got home, and she told me to go inside. She made me pray in from the ancestor shrine 107 times. I did for 220 times so I could prolong the time I didn't have to talk to her.She then went on the tirade of her being sick and tired of me and said she disowns me as a daughter because I was being a "disrespectful girl that isn't like her". She even tossed in snide comments of me not being like her and being more like my father. She then lamented to her late male parental unit to "take her away when he wanted"Like she's any better.She admitted to knowing that she knew I was not happy with her rage and me being terrified of her, and if I wanted, I can wear my shoes and get properly dressed and leave.Spoiler alert: I didn't. Even if I did move out, I am not sure where to go. Since COVID began, I lost the balance of my life and lost my job at school due to cutting the number of desk assistants they needed. I'm still trying to learn how to be a proper adult, but I felt I was stuck in square one no matter what I do.I ended up hearing both of my parental units argue and my female parental unit criticizing my male parental unit for not washing the dishes correctly. I also ended up helping her dry her cleaned fancy nail foil.While she was sleeping (in my room, because she loves my room and is very invasive of it. She only doesn't invade when I do my online classes). I went in front of the ancestral shrine and cried in front of it, at 3 AM, regretting I ran away and begged my late male grandparental unit to not take my mother away because I want to see me get married and see her potential grandchildren. (Yeah I know she caused me grief, but I still love my female parental unit even when she made me question my worth.)I hope that one day I could be able to move somewhere without any conflict, be financially stable, and properly dressed when doing so.Also, just today, I feared I got COVID from running around the neighborhood barefoot from that night. I talked to her again, and she said I had the flu shot earlier the past few months and hahahaha- she used Trump as an example from having COVID and him getting back to work after a week......How long can my sanity last? via /r/AsianParentStories https://ift.tt/2H1ZXU4
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