I’d like to return the time and hold you tighter one last time. [Vent ]

I don’t want to be exaggerated and say that since you died my life hasn’t been the same, but the truth is I wouldn’t be exaggerating. The years go by and I can’t forget you. I feel like you’re getting farther away from me and I can’t stand it. The night I lost you I promised never to forget you, however, the years have passed and the memory begins to fail me.I still have that birthday voice message that you sent me, your voice sounds clumsy because you didn’t know how to use WhatsApp, I listen to it all my birthdays and I cry in silence because you’re no longer there to celebrate with me. I don’t remember your smell anymore. I think I’ve forgotten your laugh. But, what hurts the most is still not having hugged you hard enough for the last time. The night you died, I was angry about that fight I had with Mom, and you hugged me to calm me, I was so angry that I didn’t want to hug you and that’s the last memory I have with you. Since that day I am unable to go to bed being angry with someone, I am not able to hug someone without enough strength, because I don’t know if it will be the last time I will see them. I always think about you when I do it.Christmas is coming. It was our favorite holiday. I still remember how you asked to place the Christmas tree since October, it always seemed absurd to me. Now I miss it. Since you’re gone, Christmas doesn’t feel the same. No one makes the effort to go home during the holidays anymore because they also miss you and do not know how to hide the sadness in those days. It’s the only night of the year where I empathize with the aunts, even the ones I don’t want around the rest of the year, you were the only thing that kept us all together. Yesterday they placed the Christmas tree at home, since I saw the first decoration I went to the room to cry because it once again reminded me of you.I was cleaning the room to distract myself, it’s always clean, there wasn’t much to clean. I checked the old drawers and found a picture of you on the beach smiling. You didn’t like the beach, you were a mountain man, but that day you were there because I wanted to go with you. I didn’t remember that day and I wanted to cry even more. Why do I miss you and yet I’m forgetting you? I don’t want to forget you, even if your memory brings pain, although I lost you three years ago I still cry like the morning you breathed your last.Forgive me if I was never enough for you. You were definitely the best thing for me and no one is ever going to replace you. I love you like I’ll never love anyone. You were more than a grandfather, you were my best friend and my greatest support.Te amaré por siempre, mi ‘buelo. via /r/GriefSupport https://ift.tt/3oUAhK5