A Real Bastard’s Bastard

Vergil“Okay, we’re home!” My wife announced as she opened the door. I took my first step home in a month and I was surprised to find that it was the smell I missed the most. It doesn’t contain any specific scents, it just was home; a combination of things that just made me feel nostalgic for all the comfy places I could sit down.“I missed this place.” I told my wife.“We missed you too.”“Bullshit. Vergil doesn’t even notice when you’re gone and he actually likes you.”“How could you say that?” She said. “You are his father.”The orange short hair tabby was investigating my IV drip. He noticed it was dangling, taunting him, challenging him to hit the thing. “Don’t even think about it, bud.” I said as I scooted it away from him.Fran dropped all the hospital papers onto the dining table and went to the bedroom to change. In a second, Vergil had already made his way to the dining table and began smelling it for the other place smells. I went into the kitchen to find a snack, grab a fruit snack and by the time I turned around, Vergil had already, SOMEHOW, had my discharge paper in his mouth. “Mr. VERGIL.” I declared.Busted! The cat ran off, paper in mouth bounding for the bathroom.“Fuckingpieceshitrunninglittlebastard” I said as I chased after him, Phil (I called my IV stand Phil) in hand dangling the bag behind. He bolted into the bathroom and snaked his weird little sausage body behind the toilet. I could feel my blood pressure rising already. I vaguely wondered if my blood would be pushed out back into the bag if I were stressed enough.I leaned down awkwardly, I was still attached to Phil so I couldn’t go too far, but I got an arm under Vergil and in pure Bastard fashion he let go of the paper to bite my wrist.Vergil bit me a lot. It wasn’t All his fault. I grew up with dogs. Pets, to me, meant something you can pet, snuggle up with or carry whenever you liked. When we got Vergil I was initially worried that I’d be allergic to him because my mom was allergic to cats. When nothing happened when I pet him or he scratched me (accidents in those days) I thought I could enjoy bonding with my cat son by having him lay on my lap while I played video games and hold him on my shoulder while I waltzed around the house.Vergil was not a lap cat. He was also not a shoulder cat, but I did throw him up on my shoulder to keep him from biting me when I picked him up. My arms were decorated in bites. Fran had told me time and again that he didn’t like to be picked up.I don’t hate my cat, it just sounds like I do. There are plenty of moments when I’d go to the bathroom, sit down to have my ‘morning meeting’ and he would waltz in and rub his face against my hands. He could be so good like that sometimes. He’d lay nearby me, never on me, and he would do that slow blink at me when he’d get tired. I’m told that means he either trusts me to let his guard down or he is happy.Currently, Vergil was not a happy cat. He gnawed on my wrist, going for his favorite spot right below my thumb. I threw him on my shoulder to mitigate his attack.Then I felt water on my foot. I looked down and wondered in horror if Vergil had peed on me. Then I saw the truth; a devastating blow and been done to Phil by Vergil, the tubing currently in his mouth. “Vergil for fucks sake.” Was all I could manage.“What happened?” Fran asked from the other room.“Vergil bit Phil!” I said trying to plug up the wholes and keep Vergil off me. I decided I could not do both and gently tossed him to the floor. For a moment he began to walk away, but then turned and did his little vice grip on my leg and began to bite my ankle. I aimed Phil’s tubing at Vergil and gave him a quick spray and he backed the fuck off.“What the hell was that?” Said Vergil.Wait.Wait WHAT!?I looked over at the cat. He was staring me down, breathing heavy.“No, you didn’t just speak to me.”“You’re right I was just-“ chomp Vergil filled his time little hypodermic needle teeth into my bare ankle. I promptly yeetes him with a light kick.“What? Who? How?” I heard him say, confused how he was suddenly no longer where he was a second ago.“Fran!” I called out.Fran walked into the hallway shirtless wearing a black bra (nice) and looked at Vergil and I.“Oh gee.” She said looking at the puddle of...is it water? Is it just water they put in those bags? I have 4 more to go through, could I just drink them? It’d be easier, Phil makes my arm go cold. “I’ll get a towel and we’ll get this all cleaned up, won’t me Mister Sweetums?”Ok yeah, the cat Loves Fran. They do this weird thing where Vergil will sit on her chest and just like...nurse? He’ll suck on the fabric of her shirt and close his eyes and eventually go to sleep. I remember at one point being envious that he didn’t want to do that with me, which in and of itself is a weird thought. Vergil still but Fran and I would have to play Alpha and throw him off of her and spray him when she pawed at her long curly hair.“Mother! He’s back!” Vergil cried as Fran mopped up the (maybe) water with a rag.“I know!” She said.“You can hear him too?” I asked a little freaked. I guess Fran saw my expression and grew concerned.“Yeah. He meows all the time.”“I’m not talking about him being vocal I’m talking about him have a vocabulary.”“Did it sound like something? Like that,” she snapped a few times to bring a memory back, “like that cat that goes ‘Well Hi?’”“No like he fucking Spoke to me hon.” I insisted.“Oh that got you on that good stuff huh?”“I swear, hon I heard him.”“Ok ok,” she turned to Vergil. “Mister Vergil did you speak?”“No.” Vergil replied.“He just meowed.” Fran said.“He fucking said no!”“No I didn’t.” Vergil lied.“You stay out of this.” I said to Vergil. I turned to my wife. “Babe I don’t know what the fuck is going on.”“I know hon,” she said putting arms around me, “it’s ok though. You were away for a month. You haven’t been well.” She put her head on my chest and held me tight.All the stress. All that time wondering if I was going to be ok. A bunch of meds. I did the hard math.“You’re not wrong. I’m sorry. I’m just-““It’s ok. You’re home. I’m gonna get pizza going in the oven ok?” Fran asked with that smile. She did this thing with her eyes where you could see her smile In her eyes. I can’t describe it. You either know what I’m talking about or you don’t.“Pizza sounds great.” I said.Fran went into the bedroom to grab a shirt and put it on as she walked to the kitchen.I looked at Vergil. “Spill, bitch.”He slow blinked at me. “Food, bitch.”I rolled my eyes. I went to the kitchen and found his treats in the cabinet. I took a soft chew and split it in half. Vergil was already rubbing up on my legs. “GIVE.” He said with need. “GIVE NOW.”I walked into our living room and he followed me onto the couch. I had separated the treats one in each hand and Vergil climbed on me and was investigating each closed fist. “GIVE! PLEASE.” He said.“Half now, half after you tell me what’s going on.”“Deal.” He said.I opened my palm and he scarfed down the treat like we had never fed him before. He began sniffing at my other fist.“Ah-ah. Why can I hear you.”“No clue, I could always hear you.” Vergil said without looking away from my hand. He bit me lightly.“Hey!” I held my hand up. “You’ve always been able to understand me?”“What?” Vergil said. “No, you always made those weird noises. I mean, when you talked like I do I’d kinda get what you were saying but no, I haven’t been able to hear you like this-TREAT MOTHERFUCKER.”I didn’t lower my hand. “Aren’t you weirded out by this?” I asked.“I don’t give a dump, why do you?” He asked.I didn’t have a comeback for that. I lowered my hand and he scarfed down another treat. Promptly after he ran off me, onto a dining room chair and bounded to the window sill. He monitored the many goings on, quietly analyzing and observing all the things that moved and dare make noise.I shrugged. I’d deal with it later. I was just happy to be home after so long.-:-Thanks u/randomlycandy for the prompt from hereThis was just something fun that got thrown my way. Cat is real. A real bastard.More coming from the Binding universe soon. via /r/Thedodging6 https://ift.tt/3oUlG1f