I went out alone. I mentioned to a local KJ that I had messaged back and forth with quite a bit that I was considering taking a Lyft to his show that evening. I had never met him in person though I had seen a couple live broadcasts of him singing. He asked if I minded him coming down to meet me where I was at. When he arrived he looked just as I expected, my age, unassuming, clothes and shoes well worn, long hair in ponytail all the way to his waist. I had already told him in messages I wasn't interested in dating anyone. Even though he said he understood I recognize no guy would come meet me if he didn't have some interest in more than just friendship. Bear with me on the details, they matter later. He had round glasses and a stutter which I noted because I had heard it before online but when he would sing the words came out true and strong. I was taller than he was. I was quite a bit more composed and I could tell my initial decision wasnt going to be overwhelmed somehow. This was a guy I could be friends with but I wasn't feeling a chemistry. To be more clear, I was direct with him, I have been through a lot of trauma the past few years and my emotions aren't cleared for romance. He was known by bar staff and patrons as he had a show at that location on other nights of the week. He didn't drink alcohol, it was on the way to show starting in a few minutes and people knew him. I thought I would save myself $12 and accept his offer of a ride. The evening was fun, a local dive bar with a few regulars, and a stage far back to hide quavering voices or missed notes. The KJ was an encourager and people really enjoyed the singing. I had quite few shots but I bought them myself and downed them as they were handed to me. I remember clearly paying my tab, I remember not having romantic interest in the KJ, even talking with one guy about his brother he wanted to set me up with. Everything. But then it goes blank. And I wake up at 4 a.m. in an unfamiliar house, unfamiliar bed, completely naked, on the far side from the KJ. I found my clothes neatly folded on a dresser with decorative pillows all neatly stacked under them. Even my socks were paired together and my shoes next to the dresser side by side. I felt very uneasy. I quickly put my clothes on after finding a bathroom down the hall. As I got dressed I noted how weirdly clean my body was. My face had mascara runs all down my cheeks though. I had walked to the front door to find my other belongings after I was dressed and picked up my phone. I wanted to order a Lyft but I wasn't thinking clearly and didn't know the address so I quietly went and layed down back in the bed where I had been. I fell back asleep and later woke with him next to me and I said I wanted to head home and I would call for a ride. But he said no that he would drive me. I noticed his breath wasn't as bad as it had been as when he walked up to me the night before. It hadn't been horrible, just faintly unpleasant. I made it in my door. I went inside and my cats needed fed and their boxes scooped. I did that. I tried to untangle my hair but couldn't. So I took a shower to put conditioner on and smell like myself again. After I showered I tried to eat and drink some water. Within 10 minutes I rushed to the toilet and projectile expelled vomit from one end and apparently a week's worth of poo from the other simultaneously. So I showered again. I then crawled into bed, slept fitfully all that day and through the night. Over and over I had those dreams where you are screaming and trying to move in your dream but can't physically move your body. It is monday now. My ears are still ringing. That all started Friday. I messaged him Sunday. I explained how I remembered clearly and then things going blank and then waking up. I asked him what happened. He gave a pretty detailed description of events and I took that in, in shame. He said I wouldn't give him my address home and I wanted to go somewhere using a descriptive word that I don't use. He also said I jumped on him at his place and that yes indeed we had sex. I told him I was disappointed in my myself at my behavior and sad that it happened. He asked if I was mad at him. I thought that was a weird question if I was the initiator of events then why would I be mad at him? But my mind puts things together slowly after trauma or strange events. I realized I had started drinking water toward the end of the evening and after answering the phone and walking away to chat with a friend for a moment that my water tasted strange, bitter. I just thought maybe it was because of it being tap water or maybe I had lip balm on or something. I also remember talking to someone next to me and he wanted to set me up with his brother. So there was clear conversation going on of my singleness and being available in front of everyone. Nothing offensive or rude, just people getting to know each other. Now I have had drunken sex of my own will and been hazy on the details or downright not remembered. But it's always been with someone I was clearly attracted to. I don't like bad breath. I don't have any bite marks, hickies, bruises or anything to indicate I had the kind of sex where I jumped someone at the door. I also throw my clothes off as I go, shoes first thing. I never stack my clothes neatly anywhere. I never have hair that tangled at the back of my head. I am a lot more active in other positions other than missionary. And why didn't I have any thing anywhere on my skin? No sweat, nothing? All I know is I remember everything up to that point. And nothing he describes sounds like me. I checked my thoughts with two people, one who outright said I did it to myself and the other who asks if I am sure I didn't just black out and act that way. But then I remembered the mascara all down my face. And the bathtub he had. It was one of those thats actually a tall tub with a door. Like the mind you use to assist the elderly or handicap easily in and out of a bath. And how unruly my hair gets if it gets wet and not conditioned after. And how the first thing I wanted was my clothes on and a way out. via /r/rape https://ift.tt/3kx9v87
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